Definition of a Lunatic
by THUNDERISH
Summary: AU Tenten, Sasuke, and now Neji, are all in school counseling because of 'problems' they have. Together they must find a way to escape the evil, perverted guidance consoler. Plans involving handcuffs, rubber bands, and Rock Lee initiate.
1. never ending story

_We are bits of stellar matter that got cold by accident, bits of star gone wrong._

_Sir Arthur Eddington_

**Gelid**/adj./- extremely cold; icy

It all started with this girl.

I was sitting in homeroom- three minutes early, as usual. My books were on my desk, my schedule in hand (I had already memorized it) and I was basically watching the clock; listening to the chattering students in the hallway.

Until, of course, SHE came in.

Her hair was swept up into two buns at the top of her head. She sported black plaid boy shorts and a baggy sweatshirt.

I sighed inaudibly. Another person to bother me.

She looked my way, and we locked eyes for a moment. I couldn't tell if I imagined that manic glint in her eye or if it was really there.

Our eyes broke as soon as the bell rang; students filed in without even noticing us.

Getting through ten minutes of homeroom was like surviving 24 hours at the house when Hinata invites her friends over.

Why, you ask?

SHE was staring at me the whole time. I ignored her, of course- keeping cool, until the bell rang again. Then, I practically flew out of the classroom.

Apparently, SHE got out before me, for when I exited, fingers wrapped around my wrist and I found myself being dragged down the opposite hallway.

By a girl, no less.

"What the heck?!" I hissed.

She laughed without turning her head or letting me go. I was about ready to kill her, right there.

"Let me go," I snapped vehemently.

"If I do, you won't run away, will you?"

Not only was I late for class, but I had some random panda-head girl I've never seen before kidnapping me.

I sighed irritably; she took the innovative to let go.

I would never admit it out loud, but her grip kind of…hurt.

She had already started to walk, er, run again.

I reluctantly followed.

-x-x-x-

We arrived at the counseling office. I knew it because Hinata sometimes came here to get Naruto when school ended. I couldn't really tell if Naruto went there to train under the counselor, or if he went there to actually get counseling.

Oh and no, I am not a stalker.

"Why are we here?" I asked, making sure my apprehensiveness wasn't showing.

"This door," she pointed to the wooden ingress, "leads to Narnia."

"Hn," I've only known her ten minutes, but I didn't pin her as the sardonic type. I shrugged as she opened the door. It was only then that I asked myself-

"What the heck am I doing here?"

-x-x-x-

_Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy_

_- Janet Long_

**Demented**/adj./- crazy; insane; mad

_Mission: Capture Neji_ was more fun than I expected! _And_ he still doesn't know my identity.

I totally own at this!

"What the heck am I doing here?" I heard Neji ask irritably. I was about to answer, but as soon as I opened my mouth, I was cut off.

"Wow, Tenten. You actually did it,"

In the corner of my eye, I saw Neji stiffen slightly. I stuck my tongue out playfully. I was going to speak, but once **again**, I was cut off.

"What's Uchiha doing here?" Neji asked. I rolled my eyes and didn't bother answering because I knew I was going to be silenced again. I pretended to look hurt.

"Same reason you're here, Hyuuga," Sasuke answered smugly, ignoring me.

"You were dragged down the hall by some bun-headed maniac, too?"

"Hey!" I cried. The Hyuuga-jerk smirked. _Haha, very funny. _

"You're here for counseling, baka," the ebony-eyed boy addressed. I giggled quietly; Sasuke could be bold sometimes. It was kind of cute.

Neji sighed, again, and I sat down on a chair. It was my favorite chair, next to a fake plant where I could hide behind when Sasuke got angry, which was more often than no-

Oh my God, did Neji just pout?!

Haha, he _did. _I could feel myself heating up- Neji was handsome, even I had to admit; he was all the more cute when displayed emotion, which wasn't very ofte-

Oh my God, did Sasuke just smile?!

No, no. He didn't; I was just kidding. Sasuke never smiles. Well, he did once, but that was when he set one of the lunch trash bins on fire. Plus, it was a sort if smirkish-smile, so it doesn't really count.

Kami, it is so boring here, even with Neji. Kakashi-sensei is always so late.

I reached under the table and untapped a small pocketknife I hid there during the summer. Sasuke and Neji were to busy glaring at each other to notice me testing its sharpness with my finger.

Crap, I just cut myself. I guess it sharper than I thought it was.

I shrugged and threw it across the room. It landed dead center on the poster of Icha Icha Paradise Movie Premiere that Kakashi-sensei put up.

The boys broke their unwavering gazes on me.

I grinned. Neji look surprised and angry.

Sasuke just looked angry.

"Tenten, stop that. It's annoying; it's getting old, too," he ordered. I sighed and crossed the room to retrieve it.

I laughed as I tried to pull it out.

-x-x-x-

_Revenge is a dish, best served cold._

_- Old Kingon Proverb_

**Reprisal**/noun/-

the forcible seizure of property or subjects in retaliation.

Tenten was laughing.

"It's stuck," she managed to get out between laughs.

I growled. Tenten could be annoying sometimes. Sure, she was less bothersome than Sakura and Ino, and maybe Hinata (her stuttering could be aggravating), but she still had her moments.

"Stop it, Tenten. It isn't funny," sort of knowing Tenten, I expected her to say something along the lines of '_then why am I laughing?'_ Instead, she hissed.

"I'm serious. It's stuck. I-I can't get it out," she was tugging on it furiously; her voice tainted with panic, like she was going to get caught, "Help me, Sasuke. Neji,"

I looked at the Hyuuga with a raised eyebrow. He stared back with flat eyes. Apparently, he wasn't too eager to help the girl who dragged him down the hallway. _Figures._

"No," I heard myself saying. Tenten winced.

"What do you mean 'no'?! Kakashi-sensei is going to arrive any minute, and we're going to get in trouble. I don't know about you, but I really don't want to play rock-paper-scissors with Gai-sensei again!"

I mentally flinched. That was not fun. Gai-sensei was ridiculously hideous, and at the time, drunk with apple juice. I _do_ wonder how one gets drunk with apple juice.

"Hn,"

"Don't 'hn' me, Uchiha. Don't go all out Neji on me! I'll tell Itachi!" she threatened. I rolled my eyes.

"You don't even know Itachi," I spat. Itachi was my brother. I wasn't really fond of him. He wasn't really fond of me.

"Whatever. Neji, help me please," I heard Neji grunt. I'm surprised he hasn't left the room yet. Surprisingly, he headed over toward the brunette and grasped the knife firmly, his hand on top of her. They both pulled, once, twice, three times; the weapon finally surrendered. I looked at Neji, he handed the pocketknife over to Tenten, who was **blushing. **Tenten was blushing?!

Ha, can you say blackmail?

A soft rattle filled the air; we all looked at the door. It was opening.

Crap.

In the corner of my eye, I saw Tenten lung at me. _She's not going to- _

She tackled me, strings of obscenities tumbling out of her mouth. Her face was crimson as she started to _feel me up. _I was starting to get freaked out. She was whispering 'sorry, sorry, sorry' over and over again.

In a span of six seconds, the maniac tackled me, felt me up, found my inside pocket, and stashed the small pocketknife in there.

Oh, and the door opened. I could only imagine what Neji was thinking right now. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I looked up at Tenten- she gave me a look that said i-am-so-sorry-but-you-kind-of-deserved-it-please-don't-file-charges.

"Uh. Hi kids," it was Kakashi-sensei. I looked up at him, he was looking at Neji, who was looking Tenten, who was looking at me.

"What the crap, Tenten?" I practically scream as I push her off of me. She looked at me pleadingly. Dilemma, dilemma, "You said we wouldn't do that at school!"

I could tell she wanted to melt with relief.

-x-x-x-

Hewwo. 1st Naruto fanfiction- I hope no one is too out of character. These are my three favorite characters. :D

Yes, this is a chapter story.

Much better than the crappy holes one I out up a year ago. :P (hopefully)

[x Thunder


	2. finding solace

pre-story notes: hehe

**pre-story notes: ** hehe. This chapter is for **Blackrose642**, because she has been telling (pestering) me to update this story for 5 months. And to **Ravenheart101** cuz' she's stellar and introduced me to this site way back when in Spanish class last year. XD I really don't know where this story is going, or even if it's going, so yeah. I'm screwing the format I used for the first chapter. I might even rewrite it- I have an ideeeea and I want to see if it'll work out and make me update faster. Yosh, this chapter is short, and it's in Tenten's POV. (kinda duh) enjoy. /

-x-x-x-

I remember when I was young, I had my hair down. All the time. I used to let my mom braid it and play with it too. I'd let the wind blow in it, warm and gentle; caressing my locks like a skilled hand.

But that Tenten is gone now.

When I came to Konoha High School last year, I didn't think anyone would mind the knives. The sensei's were too ignorant to see them in elementary; too proud to admit it in middle. Now I'm in high school and that's all they care about.

To me, they are familiar. They were my mothers and fathers lifework- collecting, and bartering, and polishing. Nothing can beat the gleeful (painful) nostalgia that the cold, shiny alloy the knives give.

Except, _maybe_, Sasuke.

I met Uchiha Sasuke when I was nine years old. I was three when I was placed in the orphanage. He arrived tired and beat, with his face glistening with tears. His parents died too.

He told me (actually, I kind of _overheard_ him speaking to the owner) that he had a brother, named Itachi. Apparently, Itachi ditched him here and went to live with some friends. I've always thought of him as a jerk. Sasuke didn't seem to like him much either. He'd always eat me when I mentioned him.

In the orphanage, Sasuke roomed in the 'dorm' across from mine. The institution was, and still is, too cheap to have gender separate hallways. The bathrooms are co-ed too. I usually pee in my trashcan when I have too.

But anyway.

I didn't talk to Sasuke until I was ten and he was nine. I had stuff to do, videogames to play; knives to sharpen. I watched him, of course, to no end. He'd sometimes sit in his door jam and do homework, or run outside until he looked like he was going to collapse.

I watched the way he'd ignore everybody who wanted to talk to him. I watched how all the young girls favored him out of all the boys. I even watched him and his morbid grin when he saw a young bird falling out of a tree once, in spring.

Then, the orphanage's owner decides that he's going to torture us even more than he actually does and holds a Fourth of July barbeque for all residents. That year, when I was ten and he was nine, we were paired together. Long story short, I tripped during the three-legged race, sprained my ankle, and we lost.

I limped up to my room furiously, half from pain; half from embarrassment. Sasuke came up an hour later to present to me the 'you suck because you came in last' award that we received.

He smirked.

I frowned.

He smirked some more.

I laughed.

We've been not-so-much friends ever since.

I don't know the reason Sasuke's in counseling. Perhaps, it's about his dead family. Or his very much alive brother.

Or maybe it's because he cuts himself.


End file.
